Tag Archives: decisions

Make Up Your Damned Mind!

***DISCLAIMER***

This post is specifically towards women and it ain’t no feel good, brighten up your day kind of subject (Don’t judge my grammatical errors either. There’s a time and place for everything and “ain’t no” is fitting.). So if you’re feeling a little under the weather and need a pick-me-up, come back and read this post another day ladies.

I had a discussion the other night with a female friend – one that I’ve never dated nor had sexual relations with – about her failures in choosing “Mr. Right”. She’s approaching that milestone age of 30 that most women fear. It’s like they look at their life like death is upon them once it’s reached. The truth is, most haven’t really become women until that age anyway. All the other years of adulthood were spent being a little girl in a grown woman’s body. But it got me to thinking about my confusions with women and how it wrecked my brain trying to figure out how to make one woman happy. The best advice I can give a man going through the same: “Make yourself happy and hope she follows. If not, there was nothing you could have ever done to please her.”

A woman named Angie said, “I want to marry a nice guy. Someone who loves and respects his mother” but dates a drug dealer or a known womanizer from the age of 22 to 25. Then she meets a nice guy who loves and respects his mother and decides to go out on a date with him. He picks her up, opens doors and pulls out chairs, asks periodically how she’s doing and if she needs anything. He makes sure the conversation during dinner is about lighthearted subjects and things that would make her smile. He walks her to her door after the date and tells her how much he enjoyed the night and that he’d love to go out with her again. Later, Angie receives a phone call from her girlfriend who’s inquiring abut the date. “Girl, dinner was wonderful. He took me to a really nice restaurant, was very charming and respectful. I enjoyed myself,” Angie said. “That’s nice. I wish I had someone like that. So when are you two going out again?”, the friend asks. “I don’t know. I don’t think we’re a good match. He’s a little too reserve for me”, Angie replies.

Angie decides to let the relationship with the nice guy who loves and respects his mother die, even though he tried and tried to win her back. She’s now 27 years old, single and back out on the scene. She’s hitting the clubs, happy hours and taking trips with the girls to Vegas, Puerto Rico and Miami. Life is wonderful. She’s being courted by well established men who treat her like a princess but nothing too serious; just the occasional trip here, the random one-nighter’s there and then it’s on to the next thing. This goes on for two years and Angie begins to grow tired of it. She’ll be 30 next year and now wants to settle down and marry, start a family.

If Angie knew she wanted to marry and be a mother one day, why’d she choose to live the life of a whore and expect a good man to clean up behind that? A whore isn’t just the woman who performs sexual acts for money in motels. A whore is one who sells their soul for minuscule, non-rewarding gifts. A trip to Miami and a weekends stay in Bal Harbor is nice, but it can also cost you the life with a man you’ve always wanted. A trip to Montana in the end of January when you know you don’t ski and hate the cold could cause the man that loves you to never be able to trust you again. Being the fixture at the celebrities table at the club may label you as the wrong woman to “wife up”. My suggestion to these women: pick a lane and stay in it.

Satisfaction isn’t about settling, it’s about having peace of mind. Everyone fantasizes about their future and what they’d want in it. But if happiness in a relationship is what you ultimately seek, then your counterpart’s career goals or education or wealth should be secondary to that. Would you rather be married to a rich man who keeps you as a trophy or a poor man that loves you like his Queen? The nice cars and houses and trips may be attractive but what does it matter when you can’t rightfully call it yours?

Men do this too, but today, my thoughts are directed towards women who deserve good men but choose to fall victim to what’s popular instead of what’s right, pure and a direct reflection of who they really are. The character “Angie” that I created for this story is alive in a lot of you. Part of the reason we hear the common phrase “there are no good men left out here” is due to that woman’s existence in yourself. Angie is also a part of the reason most men feel we cannot show you how genuine, loving, caring, and supportive we are too. So change up your existence and make up your damned mind!

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That’s Not What I Meant

I think that I’m a pretty civil individual – at least until I feel I must rebel against those that try to harm me.  I also believe that I think about the consequences of each decision I make and – win or lose – prepare myself for all possibilities of the outcome.  Most of the time I feel the decision will put me in a promising position and, well, other times I choose to fight fire with lighter fluid and know to not expect roses in the morning.  But in both situations I try to determine if I can handle the possible outcome, look at the situation from the other person’s perspective and then implement a plan of action to resolve the issue, no matter what the outcome may be.

So, in this post I will tell a few hypothetical stories and ask you to dissect between verbal intent and physical action and you tell me which one outweighs the other.

Scenario #1

barfight

An argument starts in a bar between two patrons that feel threatened by each other.  One patron feels the other is looking at him “the wrong way” and his masculinity is challenged.  He walks over and asks, “Is there a problem?  Why are you looking at me like that?”  Several seconds pass and now other people in their respected parties are intervening to separate the two men.  Somehow, they still manage to engage in a physical altercation that leads to them spilling out into the street and one patron beats the other to a pulp.  The unfortunate victim withstands several punches and kicks without a returned blow while the other guy is enraged so much that he has to be pulled off of the other guy.  The police show up and ask the patron who’s still conscious why he’d done what he did and he responds, “I didn’t mean for the guy to be hurt so badly.”  Does this make any sense to you?  How does this guy convince anyone that he didn’t mean to cause bodily harm to the other?

Scenario #2

fakelove

“Baby, look.  I know it was wrong for me to being seeing ol’ girl on the side and I hate that you had to find out the truth this way.  When I first told you about her I said she was just a friend.  I knew it was wrong but I thought I’d be able to end it without it affecting us.  Yes, I was in Vegas with her last year on your birthday but we didn’t do anything, I promise.  Baby, I need you to understand that I love you.  I just need a little more time to show you that I do.”

Say what?  How does one ask another to believe that they love them when their actions don’t support the words coming out of there mouths?  Where there is reason to doubt then there’s probable cause to deem something is wrong, right?

friends1

We all argue for different reasons and it’s normal for two people who believe that they are both correct to engage in a dispute.  Now, how we handle this dilemma is relatively different on a case by case basis.  The thing I try to determine when I am not agreeing with another person is “What is it that they want me to think?”  I look at the actions the other person has displayed and use that as a way to gauge what their intent is, not the other way around.  If I see a person running towards me with their fist clinched, even if I don’t know the person and have never had an altercation with them, I’m still preparing myself to defend against being punched.  Their actions have lead me to believe I should.  Now once I knock them to the ground and they say, “Man, what did you do that for?  I was just playing” I’ll reply, “Well, it sure didn’t look that way.”

Secondly, your intent can be expressed without you even saying where you want the situation to go.  So choose wisely when trying to make a point.  If you don’t want to get in a fight, then don’t make it look like you do.  If you don’t want to get into an argument, then be calm, lower your voices and back away from the situation.  If you want someone to love you, then show them that you love them.  Don’t lead the life of a friend if you want to become the spouse.  Pretty easy right?

rightandwrong1Lastly, know that there are consequences for every decision you make.  I witness far too many miscommunications between couples and friends that ultimately lead to the relationship being deeply scarred.  Most of it is due to a lack of responsibility to hold yourself accountable for what you do and say.  And no, time heals absolutely nothing people.  It just allows for those scars to scab and become even more ugly.  So, let’s stop expecting others to give you the benefit of the doubt when your actions are evidence that you shouldn’t be trusted.

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