I enter the theater with my pass to preview a film before its release date at no cost. The smell of popcorn and nachos fill the air, taking control of my legs and forcing me to take one step at a time towards the concession stand. I’m anxiously anticipating this experience as if I’d originally set out to view this film before. As I give the viewing pass to the attendee he responds, “Thank you very much, Sir. Please continue to theater twenty and enjoy your film.”
I enter the theater twenty minutes before the film is scheduled to begin. I find the ideal seat – very top row, plenty of leg room, directly center screen. A local radio station employee who helped promote the screening welcomes the audience to the theater and gives a few chants to lift our spirits…it works. A group a young girls dressed like Punky Brewster give a dance routine (albeit, the music they intended to dance over was amplified through speakers that couldn’t have been more powerful than your average Emerson alarm clock radio)…this didn’t work. Finally, the lights dim and the movie is set to begin and sadly, I’m almost done with my snacks.
*** DISCLAIMER ***
Please, do not judge me. The film you’re about to read a review on does not reflect the personal nor recreational preferences of theb2xpress. The film was free and it’s hard to turn down free things. Again, do not judge theb2xpress for viewing this film.
I know, I know. I’ve seen the previews more than I’d like to as well. And, no, not one time did I ever say I’d like to see the movie, even if it were on regular television. But a free movie is a free movie.
If you watched the preview I posted – which lasts almost two and a half minutes – then you just sat through more of the film than I did. This film wasn’t worth free! Damien Dante, Keenan Ivory, Shawn, and Marlon Wayans should be ashamed of themselves for wasting $25 million to produce this film. Don’t they know it’s a recession? That $25 million should have been donated to help those in foreclosure, or to help finance those with medical billing troubles. Better yet, they should have paid for a promising youth’s education to film school so that they won’t grow up to be like them.
I spent more time writing this blog entry than in the theater to see this film. DO NOT SPEND YOUR MONEY TO SEE THIS FILM! I hope that last statement wasn’t necessary but just in case it needed to be said, you’ve been warned.